2011 recap

2011 was the best and worst running year of my life - and by life, I mean the three years I have been seriously running.  Drama Queen much?  You bet.

So, why so good and bad?  Many can guess the bad, but what about the good?  The awesome and the irreplaceable?  Here's the recap:


The Good:
-I met my group, the Lake Effect Run Club.  My first run with them was last January and it immediately felt like home.  I can certainly call them not just my running friends, but my friends.  They have stuck by my side out on the road, and when I was held up on the couch.  They bore my sarcasm, my tears, complaining and the whole nine yards.  I'm truly grateful and blessed. (see "awesome" and "irreplaceable" above)

-For a while, I was in great shape.  A lot of cross training and mentally preparing myself for the marathon had me feeling strong and healthy.  I nearly PR'd a 5K, ran some damn challenging "races" (Mountain Goat?) and was doing plank jacks like nobody's business in the middle of my living room

- This blog.  Ok, I've neglected it since August, but it got my writing blood pumping again, which is always a positive.

The Bad:
- Skunk Cabbage meltdown. 
- Injury/injuries
- Forfeiture of Boilermaker and the Marathon - devastating on the mind, heart, and wallet.

The Ugly
- It's December 21 and running 5-6 miles is a lot.  Again. 
- Not only is the mileage challenging, returning to my normally scheduled program - the Routine - is painstaking.
- Knowing the choices in my walk-in closet are severely limited due to the acquisition of pudge the last four months...


For a quick injury update, I am somewhat back in the game.  The ankle/shin region gets pretty stiff on occasion but there could be various reasons for it.  I refuse to go into detail because honestly, it's boring and beating the dead running horse at this point.

Onto the next year:  some goals?  To really get back on track - 3 days of week running at least.  I'm about 80% committed to trying our inaugural Lake Effect Half Marathon in February (yes, February.  In Syracuse. Upstate New York.).  A marathon, at this point in time, is not scheduled but in the back of my mind until I firmly decide the 26.2 is not for me (never did like even numbers..)  The usual suspects will be added to the roster, like the Shamrock 4 miler, Goat, Boilermaker.  And yes, probably Skunk Cabbage, seeing as I will more than likely be dragged by the Saucony's out of my house and all the way up and down Turkey Hill against my will (groan). 

Ok - let's hear it for the new year!

Hiatus

My apologies for the lag between posts but I have some good and not so good excuses.

For one, I have been transitioning jobs so that has taken some time.  Expect some more time to be taken off as I embark on a new venture!

The other thing the novelty of remaining fit while injured as lost its shine.  I've still been trying to do my swimming, biking and ellipticalling but other than that, I've returned to laziness.  Maybe this is good for the ever persistant injury, maybe it's just turning me into a big fat blob.  While my other friends killed the Iron Girl last weekend, I killed off a bottle of chardonnay and some peach pie (over 3 days, don't judge).  The worst part is, I am seeing runners all the time.  You know how many times I've run or driven around my country roads and seen no one out running?  Now they are everywhere.  I get mad at them: how dare they not be injured and be running?!  Even my other friends who have sustained injuries this summer are back out on the road.  I'm happy they are out enjoying the running life again but, why can't I be so lucky?

So, I'm not sure when I will write in this blog again but until then, I'll try and get better and hope to return to running very soon, not knowing what that really means.

Not feeling it.

It’s kinda hard to write a running blog when you’re not running.  Furthermore, it’s very hard to feel any sort of accomplishment, physically, when you’re not running.

Running, and particularly training for a race, never ceases to give me some sort of goal to work towards.  On every run, I set some sort of goal in mind – even if the goal is “this is going to be a slow easy run” (a goal that, once I get going, becomes failure because I end up running faster anyways).  Some runs I aim to go purposely run faster (tempo) and others, I just want to get them the hell over with (12 miles of hills?)   When I have a big race coming up, particularly a half marathon, I can map out my long runs and knock them off one by one.  Everybody say “ahhh”

The results from all this goal making runs the gamut of “I did OK for what it’s worth” to “wow, I haven’t fit in this dress since my last half marathon!”  There are also innumerable moments of “I can’t believe I did this – but I did it!”  and those are the best moments that seem to last forever.

I wish I could say the Cybex (aka elliptical) gave me the same Eye of the Tiger-esque feelings, but it does not.  Yes, it’s great I’m still exercising and keeping up my fitness, but once I get done, I don’t have the runners high or feelings that I did something monumental.  I didn’t really “go” anywhere and I’m not doing anything I haven’t done in the past other than maybe go longer on the machine.  Besides, hoping off the machine and wobbling towards the towels and sanitary spray is a lot less gratifying than crossing a finish line with cheering fans.

This is why running has always stuck with me – there was always a goal to work towards and always something to make it just a little harder when things got too easy.  I’ve written before about little victories – when they are earned, the feeling is so sweet.

The only thing somewhat comparable is biking.  I did 19 miles last weekend, very slowly but they were done in about 90 minutes, maybe a few more (I forget).  It was an accomplishment to finish and say I biked 19 miles, plus I felt like I had gone somewhere.  Still didn’t have nearly the same bite.  Perhaps I haven’t biked enough.  All I know is, my Garmin told me in that amount of time that I not only biked 19 miles in that amount of time, but I burned 700 or so calories.

700 calories?  In nearly two hours?  You know how many I burn running in two hours?  Yeah, a helluva lot more.  So much for working off those extra couple of beers (an the extra cookie, an extra this, that).  

I bring you to my next point: body shape – and image.  I haven’t been the best at loving what I look like but running has helped tremendously with my body image.  Sure, it gives me a nice body to be content with most of the time, but when I’m running, I’m not just thinking of calories burned.  I’m thinking of miles completed.  I’m thinking of hills conquered, of time expended, of strides mentally overcome, of friends I make on my runs.  Being stuck in a gym does nothing for this as I feel like just another Barbie doll on a machine (no, not all women who work out in gyms are not all Barbie dolls but let’s face it – some are.   Just as some men think they can grunt a couple of reps out and think they are Hulk Hogan.)  I focus on time spent and calories burned, not “miles” or “hills” because it’s all so fake to me.  And biking?  Great for my legs but, frankly, I’m sitting the entire time!  And it takes me twice as long to get a good workout!

I’m not going to even mention swimming as I replicate a labrador’s swimming in a lake – only I’m in an indoor pool, snarfing down water that burns my throat, turning me into a complete jackass.

Anyway, my point here is not to keep sulking about not running but rather explain my need for it.  And others need it too.  The feelings aren’t understood until you’re there – or on the sidelines. 

UPDATE:  My first PT appointment included some ultrasound treatment.  This left my ankle and surrounding areas in severe pain for 3 days. (gulp)  Yet, the last few days, my foot pain has ceased, leaving me with only ankle troubles.  A PT visit yesterday almost all but confirmed peroneal tendonitis, ruling out a stress fracture (not completely, but enough that they really don’t think I have one due to the large area the pain is covering)  So my next prescription for treatment is more rest, lots of stretching, lots of balancing and strength exercises and lots of foam rolling that, while it hurts, brings blood to the area to promote healing – much like the ultra sound did and well, look: it seemed to make the foot hurt less.  Maybe I am getting somewhere?  It’s still going to take a long while before I am out on the road.  I am predicting September at the earliest :\

You know you run a lot when...

It's Friday!  Let's not focus on bad things, like injuries missed PRs, shall we?

My friend Maverick posted on his facebook last night a few tid bits about knowing when you run a lot, such as your Garmin is full from all your runs! 

So, how about you?  How do you know when you run a lot?  Or, how do you know you're a runner when..?  Post your responses and see what we all come up with!

My number one response would be the fact that when I do laundry, it comprises mostly of workout clothing and white low-cut socks as opposed to other "normal" clothing. 

First you need endurance, first you've got to last.

There I was last night, back in the sweaty gym, back on the elliptical.  My frunners (friends + runners, and an all inclusive term to also hint at the term “Frun” [fun run] coined by the Albany Running Exchange) told me that cross training in my recovery time would allow me to come back a stronger runner.

No one ever said how being in running shape would make my gym workouts better.  I’m discovering that this is the case.  Either that, or I had a really good workout last night…

I decided I wanted a good 40 minutes on the elliptical.  The closing time of the gym also decided this for me as I arrived at 7:15pm and realized the gym was not open til 9 as I originally thought, only 8.  In any event, I hopped on, chose a hill interval program – something years ago I would have never done because, let’s face it - that seemed to hard then!  In the past, it was press Quick Start and adjust as I felt.  I entered my weight, time and kept the level at 1, not knowing what was ahead of me.  8 minutes into the workout, I pressed up to level 6 and felt a good workout there, minus further strain on my injury.

The “hills” worked my quads quite well and my heart rate was at the top of my cardio zone according to the small yet colorful square sticker on the machine labeled “target heart rate”.  I felt like I was on a moderately challenging run, just going nowhere!  I kept my breathing steady just as I would running, listening to each inhale and exhale in a timing motion.  I was focused and clear.

Once my 40 minutes were up, my legs felt a tad rubbery, but not exhausted.  I definitely could have done more – which is a great feeling.  I don’t ever remember being on any elliptical for more than 35 minutes without counting down the seconds, a sure testament that I’ve kept up some of my strength and fitness during this down time.

Most telling was the fact that here I was, in a gym, going nowhere on a machine, no background music, no other people (the college kids have not returned yet – myself and some other grunting, weight lifting midlife-crisis bound male were the only ones there), no TV or ipod.  Three years ago, a dead ipod would have sent me home in frustration, thus skipping a workout.  This time, I did what I always do when running completely alone – I thought about my day, the future (such as a new job I am starting in a few weeks), what to write about in this blog.  Running has given me more mental toughness than I give myself credit for and now I can use this as I recover from my injuries.  I also believe this is a little thing some athletes call... endurance. 

Sure, I miss being out on the road – particularly last night as I drove back home.  It was a cooler 71F, the sun was setting and there was a gentle breeze.  Perfect summer running weather and I had to miss out.  But just because I’m not out pounding out the miles on pavement doesn’t mean I’ve become less of a runner.

Make it a Trifecta!

These last three days have been filled three firsts.  I supported my first ever run; it wasn’t a run hosted by me, but supported.  I biked for the first time as a workout and not just a kid wasting time.  And, today, I attended my first physical therapy appointment ever.

Saturday:  I went to the Lake Effect group run, obviously not to run, but to be the moveable water and Gatorade stop.  While I ended up keeping my car in its street-parking spot, I observed a lot just kicking back and seeing everyone do their training. It was sauna-hot, people struggled, people did great.  Some ran 3 miles, others 3 hours. 

I must say, I completely surprised myself by leaving the run in the same mood I do when I run with the group.  My legs hurt a lot less, like, not at all, and I wasn’t nearly as drowned in sweat as my friends were but I was still quite happy.  Why was this surprising?  Knowing myself and the downright awful moods I have been in recently over this injury, I thought seeing everyone running and training would leave me feel left out, like the kid who begrudgingly got picked last to be on the kickball team.  I did feel a sense of awkwardness seeing everyone take off down the road while I just stood there, but again, I knew my situation and it truly wasn’t my choice to not run and that it was my choice to be here despite.  The best part was the overall group broke into several mini groups, doing their own distances and paces and I was never alone for more than 5 minutes at a time.  I took my book with me just in case, reading the same paragraph over about 4 times as I kept glancing up to find more runners striving towards the finish line – my car, filled with Gatorade and water (and not enough in the end!)  Everyone was appreciative of the $5 I spent on a huge Orange Gatorade, gallon of “store brand” water and bag of ice, the latter which was used in many situations on that 85F morning.  Seeing everyone again, talking racing, training, injuries and whatever else was worth more than anyone means.  I never felt left out once.

Sunday:  This actually started the day before as the afternoon after the supported run, I wiped off my old mountain bike and my sister’s very old road bike, both which had their tires pumped and gears oiled at my parents house.  I planned on an actual bike/workout for Sunday but wanted to test the bikes first.  The results?  The mountain bike is in great shape, but even being in highest gear on a slight ascent makes it coast.  I mean, even when you’re running down hill, you’re still working your muscles. Bike coasting is a free ride and a rest.  The road bike, on the other hand, squeaked when braking (and didn’t stop very well), felt unsteady and generally unsafe, the rust being a good indication of its age and capabilities.  So, I chose the mountain bike for Sunday.

Fortunately, my Garmin has a bike function.  Score!  Once I adjusted that, strapped on my el cheapo helmet (but with lights!) from Walmart and pulled up my big girl pants – new “tri” shorts with bike padding – I was ready to ride.  I went out along an old running route near my house that is gently rolling and went at it.

My first thoughts were: 1.  Riding is faster than running (thank you Captain Obvious). 2. Because riding is faster, I realize that I run quite slow – and probably at biking too. 3.  This is going to kill my running mentally, knowing I can bike to the end of this road in no time, but take a good hour or so to run there.  I’m already impatient, if you haven’t noticed.

I know.  Kwitcherbitchin!

Overall, I had a nice 11 mile ride and took 50 minutes, burning 400 or so calories - which I can do running in less time but, oh well.  I am glad I chose the route I did because the “hills” were enough to make my quads really work.  I wish the road bike were better because at least then I could fake being a real cyclist during this down time.  D’oh!  Mostly, it didn’t bother my injury too much, maybe my shin got a little stiff but I iced it post-run and it felt OK.

Today:   Physical Therapy.  Yippie Skippy Do.  I’ve been resisting going but again, not my choice.  The appointment went quite well and was informative, maybe more so than the doctors.  The physical therapist had me stretching my foot and exaggerating some moves and the pain indicated more so that this probably is peroneal tendonitis as my muscles and ligaments around my ankle and shins are very weak.  But, at one point during the ultrasound therapy at the end, she put the wand on my ankle bone and I felt a not-so-good twinge up my shin bone, indicating that a stress fracture may not be ruled out yet.  She asked me what my goal was at the end of all the therapies and appointments and I told her I just wanted to run again.  At this point, any racing is ruled out until I can get better.  Even now, without even a true diagnosis, we’re looking at 6-8 weeks.  So, September, this kids will go back to school, and I’ll go back to running. 

For now? Stretchy band exercises, other strength exercises, swimming, elliptical and non-impact. And no mountain bike.  Too must resistance. FML!  Next appointment?  One week from Wednesday.

What’s on my plate next?  Cross training/healing, preparing for the second pancake run at my house and hopefully coming up with running topics to write about other than being injured.  I might have to rename the blog if I don’t stop complaining.

Today's mood, brought to you by: Humble.

I did 3 miles last night!  Don't get too excited, it was on an elliptical machine.  In a non-air conditioned gym (whatya want for free?).  And it took me nearly 35 minutes and every ounce of calf energy to pump through.  This is what one suffers through when they don't do anything with their legs for nearly three weeks.

Truth is, being back in a gym was so unreal for me.  I haven't worked out in a gym in years.  Ever since I took my running outdoors 3 years ago, I never looked at a treadmill again.  Even if it was pouring rain, snowy, icy, almost any condition - I was outside, just dealing with it - or cleverly working around the weather.  Now, the only running-like activity I can do is the elliptical and unless I drag the machine outside against gym rules (I believe), I'm stuck in a box. 

The good news is my workout was quite challenging.  I upped the resistance enough to work myself, but not hurt myself.  Also, halfway through when I noticed my calves were screaming, I lowered the angle down to make it a little more comfortable.  No sense injuring something else in the meantime.  My foot or ankle did not hurt at all during the whole workout, which is another good sign.

The bad news?  It felt tender after, but I soaked it in my first ever ice bath which was the coldest thing my foot has ever felt in my life.  My calves really hurt; I guess the far upper part of your calves don't get used that much running (or sitting on your ass).  I sweated more than I have in a long time, probably due to the lack of AC.

Most of all, it was right back where I started before running came into my life.  I used to be an elliptical junkie and it was the only machine I would use in the gym.  If those were all taken, panic ensued and I either had to wait for an open one, or take to another machine and hate my life for the time I was on there until a free elliptical presented itself.  Like a hawk, I would watch the occupied ellipticals, hoping to spot the first free one, grab my water and ipod, jump off the current machine and hope that no one else was secretly "in line" like I was.

Side note:  Another good thing about running is there are very little running manners to follow, other than don't knock somone over on purpose, don't spit on them, stay to the left of the road and be generally nice (the last being optional for some..)  No machine jealousy, no wiping down anything after working out on it and no time restrictions other than your own!

My friend Maverick posted something on our group board about starting on an elliptical and now he runs marathons.  I know many of us started on similar machines and in gyms and find ourselves "rea" runners now (whatever that may be!) 

Yet, do we ever realize we might have to go backward, right back to the start?  No one wants to think about it, of course, but it can happen.  It happened to me.  It has happened to many of us - the true reality check that you are human and the runners high can only last so long.

I am also reminded of my former running group, how in the spring of 2009 I believe (maybe the year before), a bunch of the core members were getting together to train for their first marathon in Washington, DC.  Some were running their first, others a repeat experience.  The first few weeks of training were right on plan.  Then, like flies, they started dropping out, including my good friend Laura who reached all the way to mile 20 to only develop a foot stress fracture.  Injuries, injuries and more injuries.  The original group of nearly 10 was halved and forced to rehabilitate in the gym on the ellipticals, treadmills and pool.

At the time, I thought they were nuts enough to try a marathon in the first place, and I hadn't truly been injured myself.  Therefore, I had a hard time relating, but still felt bad for them.  What I remember vividly is how despite being sidelined, they still came out for run support, literal and otherwise.  When they couldn't run, they set up aid stations in their car along the side of a long run route.  They hosted pancake runs at their house and used their energy in cooking and hosting others into their home.  They volunteered at races and stayed as positive as they could throughout the whole process.  After their rehab, they were all back on the road, completing their races, their marathons, their new goals.

I think I could learn from this. 

At this point, I am out of the October marathon.  Since my insurance denied my MRI, I will need physical therapy first.  If that doesn't help, then I might be granted the MRI.  I could be looking too far ahead, but Spring 2012 is the next marathon goal.  For now, it's recover, support and ever onward. 

The Verdict (Part II of...)

Back to the sports doctor on Friday. Results?  Diagnosis frustration.

I was told I need an MRI to really diagnose the problem.  However, a lovely little thing called health insurance in the grand USofA decided they like to do paperwork, so an approval was sent to the insurance company.  If it is OK’d, I can get the MRI (at a later date, of course, not the actual day I was there, saving me time off from work).  If denied, I will have to go to PT for a few weeks before getting the MRI.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

What the doctor said was this: I showed her along the outside edge of my foot where I felt more pain than my ankle (which has subsided in pain the last week or so) and she said possibly it could be peroneal tendonitis.  Still can’t run, but can swim, bike and do an elliptical for mileage (which is SO not the same and will not compensate for marathon miles).

I’m so lost.  Nothing concrete diagnosed.  Time is wasting away with this marathon training plan, and even if I could start back up running in a week or so, I’d be starting all over because 4 weeks off is deadly for any running regimen, particularly mine.  Hell, I could barely run 4 miles after my honeymoon of one week.  Totally screwed. 

I would rather just know – even if it was 4 months off from running or something that extreme – just so I could pour my energy into rehabilitation.  But I can’t. 

Though I am being told otherwise to do so, I’ve about all but officially given up my marathon for the fall.  This weekend is my last scheduled “short-long” run and then it’s 14 miles and higher practically every week.  14 miles is my longest run ever, from 3 years ago.  I’m beyond disappointed and I know I should get over it, and sometimes I feel like I am, but it never seems to stick. 

I just want to walk into a doctor’s office, tell them what’s wrong, have them say it’s This or That, leave with a rehabilitation plan, and begin. I feel like it’s never going to end.

Worst of all, I miss my friends.  This would be a whole differnet story if I just ran on my own.  Sure, I'd be upset but there are so many in my running club who are attemtping this for the first time - along with the veterans.  No other way to describe except it breaks my heart.

Literally running -in and for - shoes.

Check out this link: a 50 yard dash race for women, wearing heels (minium 3.5 inches) to claim the prize of - get this - more shoes.


Well, I'll be!

All the world's a stage

With an athletic injury, I read there are stages one goes through from start (injury onset) to finish (healed/returning to sport). 

Denial?  Check, and it went on longer than I’d like to admit.  I can actually trace back my foot feeling weird to May believe it or not, and blamed it on a crappy pair of LLBean canvas sneakers I  wore on a weekend trip (Note: LLBean, I love your products, but your shoes suck as the one pair I have hurts and another I returned after wearing a dozen or so times per your invaluable, expiration-free return policy.) 

The next stage is shock – some believe this is the actual first stage, but for me, it came after my instinctual denial.  “Oh so it wasn’t just a bad pair of canvas sneakers and tromping all over Maine in them for a weekend?  You’ve got to be kidding me, those things suck!”

Next is anger, which I’ve covered ad naseum here, on FB, in front of my husband, on the phone with friends, family and coworkers, some who are truly concerned and others who know how to successfully zone out when I mention the word “run” and its various forms.  Enough is enough, I know..

Bargaining follows, and I’m somewhat there right now, thinking of every possible other exercise I can do to keep my fitness and physique, which is both smart and silly.  Truth be told, I have a date with my husband’s truck this weekend to venture to my parents house to collect my old mountain bike – and my sister’s old road bike with the real skinny tires from probably 1987 (lavender color!), both which are sitting under plastic wrap in the garage, rust free and ready for some TLC.  I’ve also continued on my strength training and added some balancing exercises to heal the tendons in my ankle (more on that later).

The next stage is guilt, which I sorta have.  It mostly deals with a closet full of heels, my undying love for them and the constant nagging from, oh everyone, to the tune of “how can you wear those things?!”  But when I say sorta guilty, it’s because I don’t wear heels everyday and I hardly ever travel in them, including driving, bussing and standing outside for a good 20 minutes waiting for said bus to arrive.  If anything, I feel guilt wondering if I will ever be able to wear heels again – let’s call that financial guilt.  If nothing else, I have a badass closet and quite the collection, even if they are on hiatus for a while.

Depression is considered another stage.  For all intents and purposes, this is being grouped with anger because for me, the two aren’t that indistinguishable. Moving on…

Ha!  Speaking of moving on, acceptance is the final stage, and I’m getting there, if not starting to get there.  This is what this entry is about.

Now that my training has gone from 4-5 days a week to nothing, I’ve had to fill my time with other things.  I’ve gone back to some interests that were abandoned while training and to my delight, I’m enjoying the renaissance.  For one, I’ve revisited the abandoned creative process I go through in choosing my outfits for the week.  Silly girly shit, I know, but when you don’t have to pack your list of things to take with you to go running with, that leaves a good 10 minutes -or more! to focus on the present – what am I wearing? how do I look?  Is my fashion effortless with the effort backing it up (harder than it sounds)?  Why have I not worn this blouse in, uh, years and OH LOOK, it goes with these new pants perfectly. Excellent!  If I feel good in what I am wearing, I feel better all around – everyone does, if you’re not into clothes.

I have also picked up a book to read – one I have been meaning to purchase for months but never “got around to it”.  Well, what do you know, I finally got around to it, spending the amount equivalent of a 5K race fee and purchased “Far and Away: A Prize Everytime” by Neil Peart, who is the drummer of my favorite rock band, Rush.  It’s a collection of his travel narratives while touring with Rush over the last few years, via motorcycle.  His writing calms me and everyday at lunch this week, instead of lacing up running sneakers, doing my hilly 4 miler and sitting for the rest of the afternoon at my desk in powdered-covered sweat, I have been reading his book in the park across from my building and savoring every word.

Side note: Rush is my first, true obsession. I should include them in here more, but really, I hold back on this blog because I would go on for novels’ worth – that’s a blog in itself (will run for a Rush Meet N’ Greet?)  I have to say, I go through Rush stages too.  Sometimes they are all I listen to, usually on the eve of a new album or around touring time.  Other times, I put them away so I don’t get burned out.  Recently, they’ve been put to the side and now that running has decided that I’m burned out on that (it’s my guess), I’ve retaken to their music again, watching YouTube videos of the concert and without fail, these three men from Canada do nothing but make me smile and feel hope. 

Since I am still in the bargaining stage, I have revised my exercise routine to include mostly non-weight bearing strength.  I downloaded a Daily Arm Workout on my Android to go along with my Daily Ab Routine.  I also purchased a yoga DVD (albeit Jillian Michaels) and have resolved to do that as well, even if I have to do some of the poses on my knees to keep off my ankle and foot.  Yoga in the past has bored me more than watching paint dry, but I decided to give it another shot, inspired by fellow runners to practice.  Today, I am satisfied to report my triceps and upper back are nicely sore from doing this workout for the first time last night, reminding me of the muscles I don’t use while running.  The idea is to keep my muscle build so I can keep strong, and so I don’t have to deprive myself of too many goodies – probably the worst side effect from all this.  Before, it was “had an extra chocolate chip cookie? It will be gone in two miles!”  Not anymore.  And, as I mentioned before, I am acquiring my old bike as well as my sister’s.  I doubt road biking will become “me”, but it will at least give me something to do outside for the summer, should I be restricted from running more than a week or two.  I’m also doing the trainer exercises and stretches.  All this is better than nothing, I tell myself.

Now, you ask, how is the injury itself?  Moody*, that’s what.  Some days the ankle feels fine, but my foot hurts, and in different spots.  Sometimes my shin is more tender, sometimes all of the above. 

What hurts most, of course, is my ego.  Not that I had a huge one to begin with, but as I was putting away some clothing in my drawer the other day, I saw my “The pain is temporary – Marathon is forever” tank top and cringed.  The same with seeing my running belt and the empty bottles on our kitchen island.  And my Garmin (though I learned it has biking capabilities).  It’s hard for me to look at Runners World online, to see running status updates on Fb, to even be around runners, though I love my group to death.  I know I should/must get back in the ring, be the support vehicle or cheerleader for them to, heck, just keep my friends and be a kind person. However, envy is the one deadly sin that stabs me throughout my life.  I want to do what YOU can do! 

I guess we all have our flaws.

“We each pay a fabulous price for our visions of paradise” Mission (NEP/RUSH)

*Jokes alluding to the injury belonging to its owner, apple does not fall from tree, etc. are best kept to oneself.

The Two Mile test: Fail

I did my 2 mile test run when I got home yesterday.  I pulled the compression sleeve up my leg, laced my sneakers, turned the Garmin on to really get an accurate "2 mile" test and was ready to go.  Nervous, but somehow I thought everything might be ok.

The first mile down, things felt "there" but no pain.  By time I got home, my foot was not happy.  Taking off my sneakers, I noticed some swelling around my feet an ankle and had trouble walking barefoot.

Perfect.

It was then I knew that Boilermaker was out.  What was more upsetting was this new pain that started.  Oddly enough, the ankle felt fine, but it was my foot that was screaming up at me.  It's like there's a cold virus in my left ankle that keeps spreading and doesn't know where it wants to land yet.

The fact that my ankle is doing alright but it's moving more towards the bone areas of my foot is a huge concern.  It signals something else that was not discovered in my doctor's visit and that further examination is a must.

I've been taking to my Facebook lately, searching for sympathy, entertainment and answers - like any other mature 28 year old would do in the year 2011.  Most of the comments I am getting speak to the fact that this is nothing permanent and I just need some rest.  Not knowing how much or what this poses to my training plan is unsettling for the control freak that I am.

In this last week, I have realized how important running is to me.  It's more than just a hobby, something that makes me feel good.  It's a crutch I have relied on more than I probably should have.  If I'm having a bad day, I can go for a run and it straightens my mind out.  If I'm having a good day, I can celebrate with a good run.  Bored?  Get in 4 miles.  Husband working long summer?  Train for a marathon!  Ask me what's new?  Oh, well I ran X miles on X day and I'm training for this marathon and "haha, what was I thinking?!" (not really, I know what I was thinking when I signed up - LET'S DO THIS)  I have become attached to my training schedule and now without it, even just a week, I am losing my mind.

Is this normal?  Or am I too obsessive?  Ironically, this blog is supposed to be about my other love in life, fashion, along with running.  Yet, I rarely write about fashion!  Before running and when I first started to run, fashion was my crutch.  I would delve into fashion books, magazines and stores and would plan my week's worth of outfits Sunday night, pairing together hangers and making at least 10 outfits to mix and match.  Glamour magazine was my bible.  I love clothing, shoes and dressing myself to look and feel great.  I even toyed with the idea of becoming a fashion consultant at Macy's to help others, like Stacy London on What Not To Wear because I just LOVED being a dresser.  My sister still calls me for fashion advice and people know me for my shoe weakness.

Now, I wake up in the morning, wonder what I am going to wear, grab any thing that seems to be "OK" and plan my run for that day.  Last time I went shopping, I bought a dress for a wedding to attend in August - and running shorts that I have not worn yet.  The time before that?  Tech tanks, more shorts, a running hate and Runners World.  What this all says about me?  I don't know.

My husband last night took me for a ride down by the lake - it was a muggy night and the fireflies made the air look like glitter.  We went to this spot I used to go to in college when I was sad or need time to reflect or pray by myself.  Walking around by the water hurt my tender foot and we didn't stay long, but I need the water to start and feel OK again.  He told me everything happens for a reason - which is usually my mantra with everything in life.  I have not once thought there was a reason for this happening.  Perhaps there is, and perhaps this will be the time to find that out.

The Verdict (kindasorta)

I promised to write back here what happened on my little journey to the sports doctor’s office.

I get there 40 minutes early as they advised to fill out the paperwork.  So I sit, pen in hand in the empty waiting room with a clipboard, trying to remember all my past history, like “what year did I have my wisdom teeth out?”  “Was my breast reduction really 3 years ago?  Holy cow!”  “Yes, my dad has adult onset diabetes but.. it’s controlled by diet so…what does that mean…”  Pain in the arse.  In the background, I hear some sort of sports network rattling off statistics as static noise. 

To my delight, the doctor calls me in early – who knew!  I guess it helps to visit a sports medicine practice in summer when the kiddies aren’t out busting their knees on the soccer fields.  Anyways, right away they lead me to the x-ray room and to take pictures of my ankle area.  Side note:  Is it just me, or when you get an x-ray, can’t you sorta “feel” it zapping through the rest of your body?  Obviously, you can’t really feel the rays, but the thought of it –and the fact that you have to wear a lead vest and the nurse runs out of the room so s/he doesn’t get constant exposure to the x-rays – leaves me feeling vulnerable and heebie jeebie for a split second. 

After being zapped, the nurse brings me to a waiting room and the walls are full of picture collages that former patients sent in, adorned with “Thank you Dr. P!” and like messages.  One particularly long letter framed on a wall next to a young woman in a volleyball outfit gives me a warm feeling inside: someone at this practice treated some sort of injury, allowing her and her team to attend a school state championship.  Aww.

Next, another nurse comes in to take vitals and tell me her mom’s name is also Jill, but Jillien.  Never heard that one before.  Once she’s done, next is the doctor.  Gulp.

Dr. F. (not P., must be golfing somewhere) looks at my ankle region and prods some, asks questions and tells me my X-ray didn’t reveal anything.  Due to the spot of my pain and my description, she’s not convinced of a stress fracture, but only an MRI would tell if it was the start of one.  Possible causes are slight sprain or overuse (tendonitis).  She wants me back in a week to 10 days, resting the whole time.

But I have Boilermaker this weekend!  I whine.  Ok, I don’t whine, but I mention the race and the fact I am probably out.

Her faces changes.  She feels for me and I can see the balance scales in her head teeter-tottering.  Should she run or no?   “Well,” she starts, “I can’t tell you not to run Sunday.  There’s nothing concrete or conclusive to say you can’t run the race.  If you feel up for it, then go ahead but the rest of the time, stay off.”

She mentions she can give me a brace and a compression sleeve. I happily accept both (and the possible non-insurance covered fees associated with it). 

My other options are cycling and swimming – two things I have major problems with.  For biking, number one, I don’t own one. Nor a helmet. Nor any of the other gear.  Speaking of gears, and I know they say you never forget how to ride a bike, but do I have the time and patience to learn bike gears, when to change, how to change, on hills, flats, rocks? UGH.  Expensive high tech stress.  Swimming?  Sure, I live in the Fingerlakes but am I really going to swim in a big ass lake by myself along with zebra muscles, seaweed and other creepy lake things?  I could join our YMCA for a lovely $40 a month, a swim inside when it’s summer out.  See?  This is why I run.  It’s cheap, you don’t need to know how to do it and you can start right from your front door, go as far as you want, and come back home dry (unless you’re caught in the rain).

Along with my brace and compression sleeve, the doctor advises me to go next door to their physical therapy facility to meet with a trainer about some exercises to help me along.  The place smells like a workout gym with the recycled-tire flooring.  And it’s a balmy 78F in there, on an 85F day outside.  Still, I’m a walk in and wanting to know how to better my ankles, I decide to wait almost a full hour for an available appointment.  What?  It’s not like I had a run to do when I got home. 

PT guy comes over and he really pokes and prods my ankle, being very specific on asking me what hurts and where.  My tendons are inflamed and after his own diagnosis, he grabs a blank sheet of white paper and starts writing, very slowly by hand, strength, balance and stretching exercises for me to do.  He demonstrates each one, and I try a couple myself.  I was happy I waited because I think these exercises will not only help in any recovery, but to make me stronger too.

Now, here I am, full 24 hours later debating whether to run the race on Sunday.  I want to run tonight, even just down the road and back, to test my brace, compression sleeve and the ankle/foot itself.  Ankle wise, it’s not as swollen today, but the side of my foot hurts in the back near my ankle is bugging me more now.  Could it be the unusual way I’m walking out of fear of this stupid thing?  That the fact I feel less worried now is loosening my lower limb and telling me the real problem?  In any event, I am eager to go back, get an MRI and get some more answers.  I kinda wished I did that yesterday but perhaps after more rest, there will be more indicators.

Overall, this has been a tough week emotionally as all I am seeing is sabotaged marathon plans, brand new summer running clothing getting permanent creases as they sit in a drawer for weeks (or more) and my stress belly (flab) growing by the minute as I won't be burning that extra 2000+ calories a week.  Fortuntely, I've had some great support from my other running buds and certainly my husband, who might not understand this situation to me is like losing a best friend, but is there for me anyways. 

P.S.  Lest I forget I have a whole frikkin closet of high heels that I might not wear for a long long long long time.  First person to mention I shouldn't be wearing heels like this will get their ass kicked by yours truly, and yes that's a threat.

I have OTIIS (Overreacting To Internet Information Syndrome)

I go to a sports medicine doctor today to see what’s up with this foot/ankle/leg issue.  It’s now affecting all of the above, either all at once, or different parts at different times.

Per my over-reactive online research, I have diagnosed myself with one or the following:

Stress fracture

PTT (posterior tibula tendonitis)

Plain ol’ tendonitis

Strain or sprain

Shin splints

Cancer (just kidding – but there is some wacky stuff out there, but as a trained librarian, I know better!)

I’ll return with the diagnosis – and recovery plan if applicable.  Have not run since Monday but in the meantime, I have been doing my 5 minute ab workout (app on my android - love it!), some arm workouts and an old pilates tape that used to be hard for me but, as I found out, is now a walk in the park thanks to my minimal marathon training thus far. 

I've also been off heels since Friday when all this really got me thinking something was wrong.  Uck.

Wait: Is that an injury I feel?

Do you all remember that ankle I rolled last week?

Yeah, it’s fine.  Now the other leg is giving me problems.  And I’m fearing the worst, of course.

There’s a dull pain above my right ankle and now it’s slowly radiating around my side shin.  It doesn’t hurt running really, but walking around my house, it feels funny.  Just now on my lunch break, it didn't feel good at all walking.

I ran fine on it yesterday, a quick 3 miles – actually, it felt better the more I ran on it.  When I got home, I iced it just to be safe and it felt better after that.

Still, I’m sitting here in a panic, wondering if this could be the start of a stress fracture.

I’m doing what every other paranoid, internet savvy person would do: googling it.  It’s not helping, only fueling the fear.  I tell my husband all the time not to google symptoms of anything and yet, here I am, on mayo clinic, reading that I could be out for 6-8 weeks. (hypocrite)

6-8 sedentary weeks = no marathon.

Oh and I have the Boilermaker 15K this weekend.  I did lousy last year so I was hoping to get a better time.  Now I’m wondering if I will be in the medical tent with a boot on my foot.  And not a cute one either.

TBC…

Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Due to a water main break outside my building yesterday morning, I had to vacate work for the remainder of the day as of 9:30 am.  Woohoo! 

What was I to do with my free day?

It’s 4^th of July weekend and my husband and I planned to spend part of the weekend with my family back in Albany.  I planned the trip around my training – this weekend’s long run was only to be 6 miles and it was easily “skipable”.  I told my family that my weekends would be mainly devoted to hours of running, leaving little time for travel.  This weekend was the only free one on the calendar.

Now, I had this WHOLE day ahead of me and getting the 6 miler done was a reality.  I had planned on doing strength/cardio and still had it in my mind I could just do that this afternoon, but the weather was impossibly gorgeous: no clouds, all sun, slight breeze, mid 70s.  The thought of staying inside to jump around my living room while Jillian Michaels yelled at me through a TV screen just seemed… wrong. 

Even better, this time I could take my run anywhere I wanted!  Where else but along Cayuga Lake, a mere 10 minute drive from my house?  I pre-mapped my route on gmaps pedometer, drove down to Wells College where I parked my car, and set out towards Long Point State Park.

I wish I could say this run was 100% awesome – which, it was – but harder than I thought.  I might have gotten too overexcited and exerted my energy at there, or maybe it was the sneaky hills I forgot existed on Lake Road (or that seem so much smaller while driving over them in the car).  Plus, I don’t ever EVER run at 2pm in the blazing sun, on hot pavement.  Oh and I didn’t bring a water belt.  Lame!

However, the views during this run were so beautiful, so pinch-myself-beautiful that after I got back to my car and gulped my lukewarm Gatorade – full, not my ½ and ½ mix, I drove back over the route I just ran and snapped some photos.  I can’t wait to share them with you here!

This is my alma mater: Wells College, Main Lawn. Many
of my studying sessions were spent here sunbathing.

View of the lake from Route 90, about in front of
the Wells softball field. 






   

The beginning of one of the hills. 

It steeps up around the bend!

View from atop of the hill - there is a
huge slope that goes down over this crest. 
(Do I really live here?!)

Bends in the road, camps and farms alongside.



I ran just past the park at the lake - I would have taken
photos in the park but I wasn't about to
pay the fee to take a couple pictures

About 1.5-2 miles past the park is Long Point Winery.  There has been some interest among my running group to do a Renegade Winery Run (or Riesling run haha).  They haven't seen the hill that goes up to this winery though!  But, if wine is at the end, perhaps that will be worth it too?

Happy 4th of July everyone!  Enjoy the BBQs and as always, happy running!

Careful where you step!

Despite the weather, I had a great running week last week.  I pushed through the hot, sweaty elements, had a great long run on Saturday where, when I got done, I felt like I could have done more (!).  And, finally on Sunday, I ran my first 5k in well over a year and almost PRed by 14 seconds.  It was a race where I felt strong, fast and confident, making me feel like I should stop fearing the fastness of the 5k and just do more of these things.

Yesterday was brutal.  A storm passed through and the humidity increased by thousands of percentage points.  Impossible, I know, but surely that’s what it felt like.  I started the run strong, and ended weak. I blamed it on a debilitating side stitch (true story) – which I blamed on the Fiber One bar I had eaten earlier that day. I blamed it on the nasty humidity.  I blamed it on the fact I was trying out a new breathing pattern a friend had posted a link to on FB that would enable me to run better (looks like I need more practice).  Lastly, I blamed it on the fact that before starting said breathing pattern, I used a lot of my breath laughing at a joke about a wetsuit.  Don’t ask!

Bad runs happen.  I brushed it off after, made fun of my friend who stayed back with me only to tell me he was running home after this.  To his credit, home was 4miles away, as opposed to my home, 30 miles away.  I still felt the runners high of my past running weekend anyways.

This morning, as I do most mornings, I waited in my car for the bus to arrive and take me to work.  Once the bus pulled into the park and ride, I got out and started walking towards the bus door. Suddenly, my ankle rolled to the left and I instinctively put out my arms to catch my balance.  Phew!  I didn’t fall.  But… wait, is that pain I’m feeling in my ankle?  Where did that stupid stone come from??

Even my bus driver, who knows about my running shenanigans, commented “That’ll stop you from running!” 

Probably didn’t help that I was wearing these shoes:

These babies have been with me since circa 2002 -
and I refuse to part with them.

 The whole ride in, I panicked and psychosomatically felt my ankle feeling weird.  I stretched it and twirled it around, hoping I could shake it out.  Soon as I got to my work building, I was worried sick, wondering if I would be dealing with a real, marathon training preventing injury. 

Fueling my fear is the fact a coworker was walking from her car to our building and broke her ankle not too long ago.  She stepped wrong - crack, crunch and into the hospital she went.  Out months from work, she is finally back but still hobbling with a steel plate permanently in her foot. 

I don’t need to mention why I was so scared about hurting my foot (if you need an explanation, please read the rest of my posts).  Good news is: I am happy to report that I got my lunch time run in, 3.5 miles pain free.  It just feels a little twisted but nothing serious to report at this time.

What should I do?  Obsessively watch everywhere I step from now on?  I guess.  Wear better shoes?  Well, maybe just my travel shoes – which I swear I was going to do today, but the ones I did wear (pictured above) are the only "heels" I can walk miles in.  Or so I thought until today.

So, we’ll see how the rest of this week shapes up. I’m already skipping my “long run” this weekend as my plan only calls for 6 miles and I am planning my holiday weekend around some beer, steamed clams and burgers!