Running and Relationships

Last night after a Sam Summer and an delicious cornmeal crusted catfish sandwich at our local bar, I asked my husband one of those ridiculous, insecure, stupid questions that would put any spouse on the spot.

No, I didn’t ask if I looked fat.  I asked if he would prefer if I wasn’t a runner.

He gave me the look that said “why are you asking me such a ridiculous, insecure and stupid question?”  I might as well have thrown a “do I look fat while running?” question on the pile as well.

My husband and I have a unique relationship.  While we are married, we are both very much independent. We dated 4 years long distance and survived being 200 miles apart most days of the month.  During that time, I got my masters while working full time (and sometimes with a second job!) and we always found something to do, or someone to hang out with, while we were not seeing each other.  Our natural respect, trust and understanding are the force that binds us together when we’re not “together”.  When there is us time, we give it 100%.  There are many couples who see this as red flags, that we are too independent and don’t share anything in common, but it works for us.

Greg’s farming and construction work are round-the-clock type jobs, particularly in the summer. It is not uncommon for him to work 6am until nearly midnight most days of the week from May to October.  I am the type that always wants to be doing something, so running is great in that it fills up the down time I don’t get to spend with him.  Long run on Saturday?  No problem as he is cultivating his crops.  Late night in the shop working on farm equipment?  Good chance to do some core work!

I wish it were that simple.  Yet, my recent marathon training has in its early stages already started to creep into the “taking over your life” category.  And it worries me.

Running is more than just taking yourself out on the road, logging your miles, and then going home.  For me, it has become a lifestyle and while I love and enjoy it, I get concerned.  Am I too obsessed?  Should I cut back on the running-related FB status updates?  What about this blog?  Is Greg so sick of me talking about running, something he does not do and probably never will?  Should I try to make more non-running friends?  Am I going overboard telling everyone, including strangers, that I am training for a marathon?

Greg is very supportive of my running habit.  He might not come to all my races, but he knows that doing something I love to do, with people I love doing it with, is better than me sitting home griping that he’s not around.  Still, we’ve had our moments when he has suggested to go do something fun and I back out, knowing I have a run the next day, or even later that day.  The little windows of opportunity we get in the summer are few and far between; what happens when we don’t take them?  Even though we have always had our independence and own hobbies,  I still feel guilty when running comes in the way of us, despite the fact his work may unavoidably do the same.  Thus the silly questions I posed to him (his real answer "No, why would I want that?") Sigh.

So, I wonder, how does one balance our training, our families and everything else in life?  Sure, it’s easier when both spouses are runners, but when the other is not, where does the line get drawn?  Any tips out there for the half-running relationships and marriages?