All the world's a stage

With an athletic injury, I read there are stages one goes through from start (injury onset) to finish (healed/returning to sport). 

Denial?  Check, and it went on longer than I’d like to admit.  I can actually trace back my foot feeling weird to May believe it or not, and blamed it on a crappy pair of LLBean canvas sneakers I  wore on a weekend trip (Note: LLBean, I love your products, but your shoes suck as the one pair I have hurts and another I returned after wearing a dozen or so times per your invaluable, expiration-free return policy.) 

The next stage is shock – some believe this is the actual first stage, but for me, it came after my instinctual denial.  “Oh so it wasn’t just a bad pair of canvas sneakers and tromping all over Maine in them for a weekend?  You’ve got to be kidding me, those things suck!”

Next is anger, which I’ve covered ad naseum here, on FB, in front of my husband, on the phone with friends, family and coworkers, some who are truly concerned and others who know how to successfully zone out when I mention the word “run” and its various forms.  Enough is enough, I know..

Bargaining follows, and I’m somewhat there right now, thinking of every possible other exercise I can do to keep my fitness and physique, which is both smart and silly.  Truth be told, I have a date with my husband’s truck this weekend to venture to my parents house to collect my old mountain bike – and my sister’s old road bike with the real skinny tires from probably 1987 (lavender color!), both which are sitting under plastic wrap in the garage, rust free and ready for some TLC.  I’ve also continued on my strength training and added some balancing exercises to heal the tendons in my ankle (more on that later).

The next stage is guilt, which I sorta have.  It mostly deals with a closet full of heels, my undying love for them and the constant nagging from, oh everyone, to the tune of “how can you wear those things?!”  But when I say sorta guilty, it’s because I don’t wear heels everyday and I hardly ever travel in them, including driving, bussing and standing outside for a good 20 minutes waiting for said bus to arrive.  If anything, I feel guilt wondering if I will ever be able to wear heels again – let’s call that financial guilt.  If nothing else, I have a badass closet and quite the collection, even if they are on hiatus for a while.

Depression is considered another stage.  For all intents and purposes, this is being grouped with anger because for me, the two aren’t that indistinguishable. Moving on…

Ha!  Speaking of moving on, acceptance is the final stage, and I’m getting there, if not starting to get there.  This is what this entry is about.

Now that my training has gone from 4-5 days a week to nothing, I’ve had to fill my time with other things.  I’ve gone back to some interests that were abandoned while training and to my delight, I’m enjoying the renaissance.  For one, I’ve revisited the abandoned creative process I go through in choosing my outfits for the week.  Silly girly shit, I know, but when you don’t have to pack your list of things to take with you to go running with, that leaves a good 10 minutes -or more! to focus on the present – what am I wearing? how do I look?  Is my fashion effortless with the effort backing it up (harder than it sounds)?  Why have I not worn this blouse in, uh, years and OH LOOK, it goes with these new pants perfectly. Excellent!  If I feel good in what I am wearing, I feel better all around – everyone does, if you’re not into clothes.

I have also picked up a book to read – one I have been meaning to purchase for months but never “got around to it”.  Well, what do you know, I finally got around to it, spending the amount equivalent of a 5K race fee and purchased “Far and Away: A Prize Everytime” by Neil Peart, who is the drummer of my favorite rock band, Rush.  It’s a collection of his travel narratives while touring with Rush over the last few years, via motorcycle.  His writing calms me and everyday at lunch this week, instead of lacing up running sneakers, doing my hilly 4 miler and sitting for the rest of the afternoon at my desk in powdered-covered sweat, I have been reading his book in the park across from my building and savoring every word.

Side note: Rush is my first, true obsession. I should include them in here more, but really, I hold back on this blog because I would go on for novels’ worth – that’s a blog in itself (will run for a Rush Meet N’ Greet?)  I have to say, I go through Rush stages too.  Sometimes they are all I listen to, usually on the eve of a new album or around touring time.  Other times, I put them away so I don’t get burned out.  Recently, they’ve been put to the side and now that running has decided that I’m burned out on that (it’s my guess), I’ve retaken to their music again, watching YouTube videos of the concert and without fail, these three men from Canada do nothing but make me smile and feel hope. 

Since I am still in the bargaining stage, I have revised my exercise routine to include mostly non-weight bearing strength.  I downloaded a Daily Arm Workout on my Android to go along with my Daily Ab Routine.  I also purchased a yoga DVD (albeit Jillian Michaels) and have resolved to do that as well, even if I have to do some of the poses on my knees to keep off my ankle and foot.  Yoga in the past has bored me more than watching paint dry, but I decided to give it another shot, inspired by fellow runners to practice.  Today, I am satisfied to report my triceps and upper back are nicely sore from doing this workout for the first time last night, reminding me of the muscles I don’t use while running.  The idea is to keep my muscle build so I can keep strong, and so I don’t have to deprive myself of too many goodies – probably the worst side effect from all this.  Before, it was “had an extra chocolate chip cookie? It will be gone in two miles!”  Not anymore.  And, as I mentioned before, I am acquiring my old bike as well as my sister’s.  I doubt road biking will become “me”, but it will at least give me something to do outside for the summer, should I be restricted from running more than a week or two.  I’m also doing the trainer exercises and stretches.  All this is better than nothing, I tell myself.

Now, you ask, how is the injury itself?  Moody*, that’s what.  Some days the ankle feels fine, but my foot hurts, and in different spots.  Sometimes my shin is more tender, sometimes all of the above. 

What hurts most, of course, is my ego.  Not that I had a huge one to begin with, but as I was putting away some clothing in my drawer the other day, I saw my “The pain is temporary – Marathon is forever” tank top and cringed.  The same with seeing my running belt and the empty bottles on our kitchen island.  And my Garmin (though I learned it has biking capabilities).  It’s hard for me to look at Runners World online, to see running status updates on Fb, to even be around runners, though I love my group to death.  I know I should/must get back in the ring, be the support vehicle or cheerleader for them to, heck, just keep my friends and be a kind person. However, envy is the one deadly sin that stabs me throughout my life.  I want to do what YOU can do! 

I guess we all have our flaws.

“We each pay a fabulous price for our visions of paradise” Mission (NEP/RUSH)

*Jokes alluding to the injury belonging to its owner, apple does not fall from tree, etc. are best kept to oneself.